Listen, I know we Wisconsinites put on a good face about winter and try to convince everyone that we’re beyond happy being here, but it’s honestly all just a big facade. We like to tease the rest of you when you experience “snow” or “cold weather” but it’s really just to make us feel better about our miserable existence here. Everyone knows Wisconsin is actually the worst and no one in their right mind would choose to come here, especially in winter.
Just in case you were considering the truly ludicrous idea of visiting Wisconsin in winter, here’s a list of reasons why that’s actually the worst thing you’ve ever considered:
- First off, it’s just plain ugly.
Flickr/MichaelPereckas All that snow is positively gross and never looks nice. It’s just a darn nuisance .
- Nobody goes outside. Ever.
Facebook/MadisonWinterFestival I mean, why come visit when you’re never going to see another human being. In all this awful weather, we basically just hibernate for 3-5 months, so no point in coming any time between November and March, honestly.
- Speaking of hibernation, I hope you weren’t planning to see any wildlife.
Flickr/Jordan Wilms Basically, Wisconsin is one giant ghost town from the humans right on down to the insects. It’ll feel more like nuclear winter, that’s how alone you’ll be.
- Everyone here is boring and no fun.
StevensPointChamberofCommerce The cold has sucked every ounce of humor out of us, leaving us shells of our former selves. We’re incapable of going out or having a good time.
- The cars don’t work in the cold and then you can’t ever go anywhere.
Facebook/Slo’sPub
Seriously. Once winter truly hits, there’s no other way to get around.
Facebook/KickapooValleyReserve
We’re so reliant on modern technology.
Facebook/WolfsongAdventures There’s just no other way to get around and it’s sad, honestly.
- There’s no fresh food.
Flickr/LenHardy You’ll have to live on green beans canned three summers ago.
- You can’t exercise.
Facebook/BATBwi
VisitMilwaukee It’s lucky there’s nothing to eat because there’s no way to burn off calories.
- Winter is basically endless.
Flickr/Aaron Carlson
Flickr/RichHoeg You’re choosing to head to what equates to Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. Just when you think Spring might be coming, it’ll snow on Easter. And then again in late May. Just to remind you you’re actually in Siberia with no hope of ever being warm again.
- Everyone takes themselves so seriously.
Facebook/SpoonerJackFrostFest
Facebook/FishCreekWinterFestival No one has any idea how to have a good time and you’ll basically be stuck inside, reading a book and playing Scrabble.
- Life shuts down in October.
Flickr/KarenEckberg Nothing of any note happens after Halloween.
- It’s a land-locked, flyover state with nothing to offer.
Facebook You’ll long for a beach or just the site of something other than farmland, honestly.
- There’s no color. Anywhere.
Flickr/Jim Bauer It’s just one big snowy mass that will make you wonder if your life became “Pleasantville” and everything just turned black and white.
- Everything freezes over and becomes basically unusuable.
Flickr/MichaelLeland
Flickr/LenDavies It’s just miles and miles of useless land or ice - what good is that?
Honestly, Wisconsin in winter is truly terrible and no one should ever check it out. It’s a good thing you had us here to tell you the truth.
Flickr/MichaelPereckas
All that snow is positively gross and never looks nice. It’s just a darn nuisance .
Facebook/MadisonWinterFestival
I mean, why come visit when you’re never going to see another human being. In all this awful weather, we basically just hibernate for 3-5 months, so no point in coming any time between November and March, honestly.
Flickr/Jordan Wilms
Basically, Wisconsin is one giant ghost town from the humans right on down to the insects. It’ll feel more like nuclear winter, that’s how alone you’ll be.
StevensPointChamberofCommerce
The cold has sucked every ounce of humor out of us, leaving us shells of our former selves. We’re incapable of going out or having a good time.
Facebook/Slo’sPub
Facebook/KickapooValleyReserve
Facebook/WolfsongAdventures
There’s just no other way to get around and it’s sad, honestly.
Flickr/LenHardy
You’ll have to live on green beans canned three summers ago.
Facebook/BATBwi
VisitMilwaukee
It’s lucky there’s nothing to eat because there’s no way to burn off calories.
Flickr/Aaron Carlson
Flickr/RichHoeg
You’re choosing to head to what equates to Superman’s Fortress of Solitude. Just when you think Spring might be coming, it’ll snow on Easter. And then again in late May. Just to remind you you’re actually in Siberia with no hope of ever being warm again.
Facebook/SpoonerJackFrostFest
Facebook/FishCreekWinterFestival
No one has any idea how to have a good time and you’ll basically be stuck inside, reading a book and playing Scrabble.
Flickr/KarenEckberg
Nothing of any note happens after Halloween.
You’ll long for a beach or just the site of something other than farmland, honestly.
Flickr/Jim Bauer
It’s just one big snowy mass that will make you wonder if your life became “Pleasantville” and everything just turned black and white.
Flickr/MichaelLeland
Flickr/LenDavies
It’s just miles and miles of useless land or ice - what good is that?
Looking to learn more about how there’s nothing to do in Wisconsin in winter? Check out You Must Visit These 13 Awesome Places In Wisconsin This Winter.
(In case you missed it, this is entirely sarcastic. We Wisconsinites know our state is actually AWESOME in winter and anyone who doesn’t think so is totally missing out!)
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